23-year-old gets new job, mom demands she give $1000 a month to support her and her 5 siblings: 'She doesn't want to work and she overspends'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 28, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Money and family are two things that often have to mix, but they don't necessarily make for a simple combination. As kids grow up, parents often have to make difficult choices on how much they are willing to support them, and for how long. On the flip side, there are also plenty of adult children who end up being tasked with helping out their parents once they have created a life for themselves and are financially independent. 

It goes without saying that this can be a tricky situation. Some kids want nothing more than to help out mom and dad, but others are wary of being taken advantage of. In many cases, this is reasonable as some people are unfortunate enough to have parents who see them as little more than a free meal ticket. The situation is often something that is difficult to navigate without causing some upset at some point.

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    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is what one 23-year-old was struggling with after she put her foot down and refused to give her mom a monthly $1,000 dollar allowance. Recently graduated from a college education that she funded herself, she found had recently found a well paid job and moved to a different city. As she had given money to her mom and five siblings from her hospitality work in college, her mom expected that this new job would be used to fund them too. When the daughter told her enough was enough, she worried that she had been too harsh.

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    via JESHOOTS.COM

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to pay my mum a $1k a month allowance?

    I, F23, have just moved to another city for work and it pays really well for a new grad. It has been the subject of constant arguments during my 5 years of uni where my mum has expected that I pay and support her when I graduate. I lived away from home for 5 years while studying, rarely visiting on weekends and sometimes never at all as I worked a hospitality job to support myself and would constantly give money to my mum to help her and 5 siblings out even though I don't live there. This is bec
    via LostnFound555
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    She doesn't want to work and she over spends what I used to send her. She buys designer clothing for my younger brother and so much junk food rather than just essentials. And she always asks for more. I put my foot down and say I won't help anymore especially when I graduate but I always end up being guilt tripped. Now I have moved to another city, rent on my own, have finance on a car, have student loans and have to pay my own bills plus pay for my own travel to and attendance of professional d
    via LostnFound555
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    Mum just called asking for a $1000 allowance a month and it will only cost me around $30 a day, her words. I said to her my siblings, all 5 of them, can work to earn $30 a day and still earn more than that and I will not be paying. I explained my situation and aspirations and said I did not birth her kids nor am I responsible for her. She has been making do for years and she should keep to the basics to make do. If I had money, it's my right to save it and keep it to myself so that I can build m
    via LostnFound555
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    If my mum supported me financially growing up I would have but she didnt. I paid her more money during uni than she ever did. She is obviously upset and I think it's ridiculous that she expects an allowance like she has a right to it. So am I the a_h_le? TLDR: mum wants a 1k a month allowance and I don't think it's right
    via LostnFound555
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    Other people applauded the young woman for finally saying no.

    edebby NTA. You got me at "She doesn't want to work and she over spends what I used to send her". A person who doesn't want to work, and never financed his graduated kid during her amazing struggle of leaving far from home and financing her studies and life on her own WHILE paying her lazy mom doesn't entitle to get anything, I'm sorry. You've turned your life around, all by yourself, and reached a point where supporting your mom will drag you back as you progressed enough in life where you need
    via edebby
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    LostnFound555 OP At first it was she couldn't work because she was with her a e husband who didn't let her but she was happy being a housewife and allowing us to get abused by him too. Then when I convinced her to leave, it was that culturally she isn't allowed to work and people will see her as brazen. Bro we live in Australia not the middle east. Then it was her mental health post abuse. I tried to get her enrolled in certificates to gain skills but she quit them for knee pain from an injury h
    via LostnFound555
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    Longjumping 2390 5 adult children living with her? I was assuming they were still kids and that was part of why she wasn't working. With 5 of them there is absolutely no need for you to be financing her when you don't live there. Sounds like she got used to you sending her money and is talking advantage
    via Longjumping_2390
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    LostnFound555 OP Yeah I have an older sibling and 4 younger siblings who all have casual jobs while studying at uni while living at home. I had to live away from home, pay my rent and everything plus study plus travel for placements and such plus fund a car. They don't have any of those burdens so I'm dumbfounded why they can't make it work for themselves like I did...
    via LostnFound555
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    R4eth I'm sure they could. But, dear old mom has them all convinced you're the piggy bank, so why bother saving or doing adult things like paying bills? That's what's happening, I assure you. Or mom is also demanding they fork over whatever money they do have for her to spend on herself. Or it's both.
    via R4eth
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    muppet_ofa No, you need to take care of yourself and if your siblings are of working age, they can start taking care of themselves, just like you did. The promise to help wasn't in perpetuity. It was until she got on her feet, she never tried to. Plenty of people have kids and work a job. Be prepared for this personality type to really put the guilt on you and then potentially utilize your siblings like bargaining chips. It's one thing to help, it's another to support them.
    via muppet_ofa
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    LostnFound555 OP That's exactly it. Thank you for articulating my thought. I was planning in my head to pay like $700 one off payments everytime they absolutely need it like I used to during uni or cover a bill or something but why did I do this all with no help but they won't rely on themselves? It's not fair. They're all in uni but the youngest in highschool. All adults and have casual jobs. But when she said $1k a month at least as an expectation though I told her in the past gently why I can
    via LostnFound555
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    muppet_ofa It's one thing to help family every once is a while, it's another to support them completely. It's not your role to be the parent here, it feels like you've taken on that role a bit. And they are all able bodied and can take care of themselves now. I'd probably start talking to a therapist to help sort out your relationships. We end up carrying these types of things around and it impacts us in ways we don't realize.
    via muppet_ofa
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    OrbitalPete NTA. You draw the line, and you stick to it. That $1000 a month, if you were to pay it would soon creep up to 1200, and so on. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Your mum is taking advantage of you. You just have to realise that drawing this line might also be drawing a line under that relationship; it sounds like she sees you as an income source first of all, and with that getting cut away you may find her interest in any further relationship also goes away.
    via OrbitalPete
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    Competitive-Mud3047 NTA. I'd say it's absolutely deplorable she emotionally extorted money from her child who was trying to get through college and better their life because she is too lazy to get a job. If you don't want to take care of kids, don't have them. The fact that she has 6 kids and refuses to work while having no problem sabotaging your future for her own selfish gain tells me all I need to know. Stand your ground! You're doing so good and I'm proud of you for saying "enough is enough
    via Competitive-Mud3047
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    LolaSupreme 19 NTA. Instead of sending her a check, pay a couple of her bills directly. She can't handle money and will burn through it as fast as you send it.
    via LolaSupreme19
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    HelpIHaveABrain This post is a joke, right? Like, you cannot seriously think that you would be an a h_le for not giving her free money? Legit question: what was going through your mind that makes you think you could be an a h le here?
    via HelpIHaveABrain
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    LostnFound555 OP The guilt trip of her saying she needs financial support and me knowing what it feels like to have no money even though I know for a fact she could survive without me and I did it on my own so why can't she and my 5 adult siblings do the same? Everyone's responses here is calming and reassuring to me that I didn't do a bad thing because now she's upset at me
    via LostnFound555
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    Secret Owl3040 Plainly NTA. You know this but you're feeling guilt because that's what she's created you to feel. Just keep the contact with her to a minimum, she sounds like she will drag you down.
    via Secreet_Owl3040
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    PickleEnjoyer7 Definitely NTA. You've already helped out a lot even when you had little to give. Her expecting you to take care of her while she's too lazy to work isn't normal lol.
    via PickleEnjoyer7
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    NCKALA NTA. You are not your parent's retirement plan. Send her a list of your monthly bills and tell her that you were actually about to contact her to send you an allowance for a few years while you get on your feet. Every time she calls, tell her you can't talk long coz your can't afford to use electricity so you are sitting in the dark, when she calls, tell her how hungry you are, how your feet hurt coz you need new shoes, how hot/cold you are coz you can't afford utilities. If you keep send
    via NCKALA
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    No_Calligrapher_2726 NTA. I'm sorry you are in this position and had to grow up in this environment.
    via No_Calligrapher_2726

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